About me

My practice is now online therefore making it accessible to anybody in the UK and other parts of the world.

I have been working as a therapist since 2003 (over 20 years), doing clinical supervision since 2007 and been specialising in offering my services to a neurodivergent client base since 2013.

I trained as a Transactional Analyst over 20 years ago and believe that the most important value that I bring as a Psychotherapist is respecting and validating the individuals experience.

I have worked as a specialist Autism and ADHD therapist bringing a professional knowledge, and a personal understanding of neurodiversity as a parent and a partner.

My practice is grounded in an affirming, inclusive approach that recognises the individuals lived experience. I work collaboratively with partners navigating challenges shaped by intersectional identities-acknowledging how factors like race, disability neurodivergence and cultural background, intersect with gender and sexuality.

About me

My Practice is based in North Leeds in a peaceful and discreet location.  I offer counselling to individuals and couples, as well as clinical supervision to therapists and healthcare workers.  I see clients in-person and for some individuals, walking consultations work extremely well.  Due to changes within my practice, I am no longer able to offer or ‘open-ended’ counselling contracts.  I can, however, provide shorter-term individual contracts, or couples counselling contracts, lasting between 3 & 12 months. 

I am trained in the Relational approach and work in an integrative way, using a range of humanistic models which allow me to cater for the individual needs of clients and couples.  In addition to my professional training as a counsellor, I have a lifetime of my own lived experience within a family of mixed neurotypes.  Over the past twenty years, I have attended a wealth of courses aimed at supporting autistic people or those with co-associated conditions, such as ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia etc.  At Aspire, we offer a series of interactive ‘live’ courses, which I deliver with my colleague, Deborah Wortman.  Our training courses are specifically written for therapists, coaches and healthcare workers, who wish to develop their knowledge and skillsets to support neurodivergent clients and or their service users.

These ‘live’ courses provide in-depth knowledge of neurodivergence, and stimulate interesting group discussions due to their interactive nature.  To read more about our courses please visit the ‘Training’ section of this website.

About me

My name is Debbie Challinor. Thank you for viewing my therapist profile! I am based in East Lancashire, surrounded by beautiful hills and nature. I am a neurodivergent, person-centred counsellor. I work with adults, couples, parents or carers, and young people aged sixteen and older, either face-to-face in the comfort of my private counselling room at home or through online counselling using a variety of secure, encrypted online platforms.

Alongside being a counsellor, I am a mum to two wonderful autistic adult children and a grandma to my daughter’s fabulous dogs. In my spare time, you can find me curled up with a bar of chocolate and a good book. 

I work with clients from all walks of life, especially those within the neurodivergent community, both self-identifying and diagnosed. In addition to the knowledge and understanding of neurodiversity gained during my five years as a support team member for the PDA Society, I have personal lived experience of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), Autism, and ADHD. I have faced firsthand the joys and challenges that being neurodivergent can bring. This was a significant part of my motivation to train as a counsellor, which began with a deep curiosity about the unique challenges many individuals face when engaging in therapy, especially those on the spectrum. I feel passionately that everyone should have equal access to therapy and support. Over the years, as part of my neurodiverse family, I have gained extensive experience and specialised knowledge in this area, enabling me to provide tailored support to those seeking a greater understanding of themselves and their world.

About me

Hello. My name is Julie, and I am a qualified Integrative Counsellor. I am a Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP) and abide by its Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions.

I have extensive experience with neurodiverse clients, including children and young adults. I work at a mental health charity for young people, run a private practice, and volunteer at a bereavement charity. Most of my clients are neurodivergent or present with neurodiversity.

As a member of a neurodiverse extended family, I have invaluable lived experience of the difficulties and challenges that can arise in daily life, including within families, at school, in the workplace, and within friendships.

I am committed to affirming, supporting, and advocating for neurodivergent individuals. I recognise that life can be challenging and frustrating for the individual and their families.

I will always strive to support each person’s needs in managing everyday challenges. I am curious about individuals and how being neurodivergent impacts them. I am committed to developing a therapeutic relationship that affirms neurodiversity.

About me

I am a counsellor and psychotherapist; I am also one of the many adults discovering they’re autistic in middle age.  Prior to fulfilling a long-held ambition to train and work as a psychotherapist my professional background spanned working with people in the legal, housing and mental health fields, I have also worked as a design researcher and an artist. 

About me

Before anything else, I’m focused on genuine care and real human kindness. As a late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD individual, I’ve navigated my own journey of self-discovery – one that’s been both challenging and transformative. Learning about my neurodivergence during adulthood helped me make sense of my past, and it’s given me deep compassion and acceptance for others who may be going through similar realisations. In my personal and professional life, I’ve worked and lived extensively with neurodivergent people and I’m keenly aware that we are all unique in our ways of being. A real focus for me is meeting you exactly where you are, whether you’re newly realised or diagnosed as neurodivergent, supporting a loved one who may be neurodivergent, or simply trying to understand, make sense of, and explore different parts of your life.

My philosophy centres on humanism – the idea that the individual human experience is paramount, and that care and empathy are the most effective and ethical methods for helping others and spreading wellness. In my past careers, I’ve worked in creative industries and within educational and charity sectors, which has shown me how intersectionality and cultural differences can shape our sense of identity and belonging. I’ve seen firsthand how our personal stories, backgrounds, and neurodivergent experiences intertwine, and I’m passionate about creating a safe, inclusive space for you to explore these layers of who you are.

About Malika

I am a coach who works with adults to help them realise their full potential in work, relationships and life. 

As an accredited neurodiversity coach, I’m passionate about helping individuals harness their unique strengths. I was already working as a coach when I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD. This inspired me to complete further training specialising in Neurodiversity. As I learned more so many of my experiences, challenges and strengths suddenly made sense to me. With greater knowledge I was able to develop self-acceptance and compassion. My lived experience of being late diagnosed helps me understands some of the challenges that can arise from being a neurodivergent thinker in a neurotypical world.

I will meet you with empathy wherever you are, whether that is curious about a diagnosis or working through the emotions and next steps after getting one. I understand that even with the labels of ADHD, Autism or Dyslexia we are all different, so my approach is tailored to you as an individual.

About me

Hi, my name is Shelley (She/Her). Thank you for taking a look at my therapist profile! I am a fully qualified and insured Relational Integrative Counsellor and Psychotherapist.

I have worked with people who are curious about neurodiversity and suspect that they may have neurodivergent traits, as well as those who self-identity as neurodivergent or have a formal diagnosis of a neurodivergence (e.g.) autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia or Tourettes. Additionally, I have supported parents, carers and guardians who may be caring for a neurodivergent child, as well as partners of neurodivergent people.

I recognise that people can have fluctuating support needs and may want to address different issues in therapy at different times, so I aim to work collaboratively with you at a pace that is sensitive and responsive to your individual needs. 

It has been my honour and privilege to work with people from a wide age range, diverse cultural, ethnic and social backgrounds and with a range of neurotypes. This has complemented my lived experience of coming from a multi-cultural and neurodivergent family. My therapy practice is inclusive, LGBTQIA+ affirmative, neurodiversity-affirmative and trauma-informed. 

About me

My specialism is in Neurodiversity (ADHD and Autism) and I work with children (10+), adolescents, adults and couples. I work in an integrative and relational approach, which means, although my initial training was psychodynamic and CBT, I take on a lot of modalities. These theories and approaches I have adapted to suit my clients, and I personalise my sessions to your needs. If you are looking to work on mental health, coaching for coping with specific traits, want to learn about your neurodiversity and have more self awareness or have some screenings to see if there are some neurodiverse traits and consider whether you want to pursue a diagnosis. We can discuss what your goals for therapy are when we have our initial chat.

As a parent of a child (now grown up) with ADHD my personal experience has added to my professional knowledge. I also supervise other counsellors and psychotherapists, school counsellors and student counsellors/mentors.

About me

I offer specialist supervision for psychotherapists working with neurodivergent clients. Therapy for neurodivergent clients’ needs to be delivered by specialists, it is essential that supervision is received from a qualified practitioner experienced within this field.

Over the years, I have found neurodivergent clients have expressed their difficulties accessing support and making progress, due to previous therapists not understanding their neurodiversity.

This can be due to therapists’ making incorrect assumptions of behaviours/thinking styles and confusion because the clients may not be responding well to a neurotypical style of therapeutic interventions.

If therapists and supervisors are not skilled in recognising when neurodiverse traits are present, it is likely that their treatment plans would be ineffective. It is important that their therapist can identify the key issues which are at the root of their difficulties. Specialist supervision provides supervisees with the confidence to work flexibly and integratively.

About me

I offer online counselling and coaching for neurodivergent individuals and provide additional insight and empathy through my own lived experience of neurodiversity. My special interest is supporting clients with the psychological challenges associated with living with neurodiversity in a neurotypical focused world and helping clients to learn to manage and accept their neurodivergent traits.

I support individuals to work through emotional issues such as grief, relationship issues, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, stress and traumatic past experiences and self-destructive patterns of responses that are impacting you in the present.

Ways of Working

The Types of Issues I Support Neurodivergent Clients With 

Qualifications

Additional CPD Specific to Neurodiversity

About me

I am a BACP accredited Counsellor & Psychotherapist with over 16 years’ experience of working with individuals and couples. I have a private practice where I offer a safe and confidential environment in which to reflect and process feelings.

I have a specialist interest in neurodiversity, supporting people with Autism and ADHD, in addition to their family members/carers. Working with the charity Mencap for over 17 years supporting families and carers of children with learning disabilities, has given me a good understanding of the daily struggles that people on the autistic spectrum along with their families, have to cope with. 

I believe it is important to provide an emotionally secure and non-judgemental environment where people can feel heard and understood, when so often they may be misunderstood. I have supported many neurodiverse clients, helping them to express and make sense of their feelings, thereby promoting self-confidence and positivity within their lives.

About me

I specialise in supporting you to move away from negative thought processes, whether that be due to a specific situation or due to an ongoing struggle; it can be difficult to process and cope in the world. I promise to create a therapeutic space individual to you. The process will be continuously discussed and agreed upon.

I have vast experience working with young people/children with social, emotional and mental health needs; using a combination of behavioural and therapeutic techniques to support the development of coping strategies.

Previously to becoming a counsellor I worked within school settings and privately to support autistic young people. I also supported their families in better understanding and meeting the needs of their child.

Once retrained as a counsellor, the gap in neuro informed therapy became evident and so I continued building on my knowledge on how to be truly inclusive.

About me

I am a qualified Supervisor with a LCPD Diploma in Clinical Supervision, providing supervision to trainees and qualified counsellors.

I am able to support a therapist in their professional journey using the person centred model or a more integrative approach.

As a therapist I am idiosyncratic in my approach, this carries over into how I work as a supervisor.

I specialise in Neurodiversity and bring a lot of specific knowledge and tools that can support in how to work with and support a neurodivergent client base.

I offer ongoing supervision or one-off sessions.

About me

I am a workplace coach supporting people to fulfil their potential in their professional lives. I work with people at all levels to help them overcome any hurdles they face by increasing their awareness of what might be going on for them, and discovering the opportunities and choices they have that could help them more forward and achieve their very best. Prior to becoming a full-time coach, I worked at exec level in the field of communications and marketing, mainly in the voluntary sector.

I work with adults – who are neurodivergent and non-neurodivergent. I am particularly motivated to work with neurodivergent people in the workplace, because I want to support them to achieve everything they are capable of in their careers, rather than finding themselves limited by the sometimes complex environments in which they find themselves.

My personal experience of supporting neurodivergent family members means I have spent a number of years exploring and learning about neurodiversity, and I draw on this knowledge in my work with clients.

If you would like to book an initial 30 minute consultation, please click the button below.

About me

I am an autistic therapist with ADHD supporting neurodivergent clients. I discovered I am neurodivergent late in life and finally everything made sense. I am a parent with 3 neurodivergent children and have learned the hard way that understanding is key to supporting our children to be confident and feel heard.  I now work with other neurodivergent adults and young people, to build their own personal toolkit to navigate life more confidently and authentically.

If you would like to book an initial 30 minute consultation, please click the button below.

About me

I have been counselling for 15 years and work with both individuals and couples, who are Neurodiverse (diagnosed or not), including LGBTQ+ community.

Prior to training as a counsellor, I had a career as a health professional in the NHS.

I work in a warm, collaborative, positive and non- judgemental way- to put you at ease. I aim to provide a safe, consistent and boundaried space for you to explore the issues that bring you into counselling at this time in your life.

I am passionate about having a non-stigmatising, compassionate and inclusive approach with clients, as someone who has lived experience of neurodiversity with both my family and myself. This has enabled me to provide a safe counselling space that is specifically developed with neurodivergence and associated conditions in mind.

About me

I believe that in providing a confidential, comfortable, respectful talking and listening space we can work together on things that may be troubling you, things you may be wondering about, things that are painful or keeping you stuck where you are. I can support you and we can discuss approaches and possible changes and notice together the progress you make.

I have a private therapy practice but have also counselled in a service taking NHS referrals for complex issues, in a bereavement counselling service and am an associate of services which provide workplace counselling for their employees in challenging circumstances either at home or in the workplace. Before retraining as a therapist I worked to support people experiencing a very stressful set of circumstances; this experience led me to see how valuable counselling can be as a vital outlet, giving people hope and choices so that circumstances are much less likely to be repeated.

About me

My name is Chdel Cooke – don’t worry about how to say Chdel, think ‘Sh-delle’, and you’ll be pretty close. I won’t be offended.

My therapy practice is called free to be me.

I am based on the Carmarthenshire, Pembrokeshire, and Ceredigion border in SW Wales. I offer walking therapy at the beach, face-to-face therapy at my comfortable, private therapy room in Carmarthen, and online using Zoom. I enjoy working with individuals, couples, and groups.

My background is working with people in complex situations, many of whom are neurodivergent. I have a lived experience that allows me to bring a broader understanding than is typical in therapy, as many members of my family and I are neurodiverse.

Perhaps you would like to know a little about me? I read a lot of fiction and enjoy a good TV box set. I enjoy spoken word performances and live music gigs. I am a fire-side storyteller, a cold-water swimmer, and a walker. I enjoy food and laughter with friends and alone time to quietly think and dream.

About me

I support people to gain more understanding about how their brains work, recognise and develop strengths and find ways to mitigate challenges.

I am a credentialed coach with The International Coach Federation and specialise in working with autistic and ADHD adults. I recognise the wide variance in how people think, perceive and express themselves and work to promote understanding, appreciation and acceptance (including self-acceptance) of difference.

I came to coaching having worked as a Speech and Language Therapist with adult clients and I am particularly interested in communication and how people communicate well with people who communicate differently to them, especially in family and work situations. I have experience of living in and parenting a neurodiverse family and have officially had my own neurodifference (ADHD) recognised late in life.

About me

I believe in the philosophy and teaching of nature and animals; I have experienced firsthand the profound wisdom of nature when we enter relationship with a natural being without expectation.

I work with clients alongside a herd of horses at The Heard therapy CIC. Horses are sentient beings who are attuned to their environment and each other in a deeply sensitive way, a horse senses us, through the nuances of our body language which are often unconscious movements, they also sense our nervous system energy, our heart, and intentions. I transfer this approach into the counselling room by working with clients from their present moment experience.  My approach is person centred, somatic based and transpersonal, this is because I am passionate about helping people become whole and attuned with themselves and the world, by deepening the awareness of connection between body, mind, emotions and the world around us.

About me

Hi, my name is Carol and I have been working with clients that have an autism diagnosis or want to explore their possible neurodiversity for 11 years, as part of a specialist autism service.  I have an informal style of counselling, which I believe reduces the pressure of talking to a stranger, and makes my clients feel as comfortable as possible.  This can enable individuals to explore and express their feelings, thoughts and concerns.  My aim is to make it possible for you or your loved ones, to have the opportunity to understand the condition and the challenges of living in a mainly neurotypical world.  I support people to learn to manage their neurodivergent traits, their emotional wellbeing and common issues such as anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. Other important aspects of therapy include working with low self-esteem, dealing with stress, as well as supporting people with grief, past trauma and the build-up of micro-trauma.  I offer face to face counselling sessions, online webcam sessions, telephone sessions or webchat sessions for neurodivergent individuals, or people questioning or exploring their neurodiversity.   I offer insight, empathy and validation for the experience of being neurodivergent.  My main concern is to understand your needs and differences to enable me to adjust counselling to make it accessible to you.

About me

I am a BACP accredited therapist with over 10 years’ experience working with both children and young people and adults. I hold senior accreditation for working with children and young people. I believe supervision to be an essential part of being an ethical and effective practitioner and aim to offer a stimulating, collaborative and understanding space to share ideas and concerns.  I believe it is important to balance validation, affirmation and nurture with challenge and aim to do so with respect.

I encourage supervisees to consider different aspects of their practice, from personal and inter-personal issues to caseload management, placement / workplace issues, ethical dilemmas, training and CPD needs and specific client work. 

As a supervisor with a special interest in neurodiversity I can bring my knowledge to help neurodiverse practitioners and those working with neurodiverse clients (whether diagnosed or undiagnosed).  This can be essential to understand the roots of someone’s difficulties and provide the right support and interventions; for example social anxiety presenting in an autistic client may be better helped through a combination of social skills psychoeducation and practice alongside more traditional anxiety management techniques.

My core training is in the relational approach and have since integrated other models into my therapeutic work, including creative and play based approaches, parts work and CBT.  As a supervisor this means I am best suited to supporting practitioners who are working in a person-centred, integrative and/or relational way. 

I have experience working in schools (both primary and secondary) and in private practice so can support practitioners working with children and young people. 

About me

My name is Tasha, I am an Accredited Counsellor MBACP & Clinical Supervisor. I am a mum to a son & daughter who are ADHD, it is this reason and seeing the effects in schools on CYP being misunderstood with Neurodiversity that drives my passion to work with this community but also to try and affect change to make schools safer for ND CYP and to advocate for all ND people.

I work in private practice but before that spent 13 years working for Northpoint Wellbeing, 8 of those years in a cluster of schools as a therapist working with CYP & families.

I work with CYP and adults with most difficulties.

I specialise in therapeutically supporting, advocating and offering training in Neurodiversity.

I offer a warm, friendly and safe space (online also) for people to come and with my help make sense of what is going on for them, whether it be relationship issues, to low self-esteem to issues around abuse etc.

About me

Thank you for your interest in my profile. At the moment my practice is full. Please have a look at my associate colleagues, who may be able to support you.

I have always been interested in human behaviour and strive to understand how the meaning that we apply to our past experiences impacts on the way we live our lives in the present moment.  I have a Bachelor’s degree in Health Sciences, Social Services and Psychological Counselling and I practice a holistic approach to counselling.  I use techniques and strategies that are based in neuroscience and mindfulness practices such as ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).  ACT is a humanistic approach that teaches people to work with difficult thoughts and emotions so that they can embrace their life experiences with openness and curiosity and cultivate psychological flexibility and self-acceptance.

Another therapy that I’ve found particularly effective when working with neurodivergent people is IFS (Internal Family Systems).  IFS is a systems based approach that assumes that everyone has multiple parts or subpersonalities that constitute an organised system.  As we go through life, we develop parts of ourselves that help us to deal with stressors and traumas.  These parts help us to cope with difficult situations in the moment, but can be problematic when not fully resolved.  So we seek to understand the roles that parts play and to upgrade them so that they can function optimally in our system.

More recently I have been working with an Autism Charity to provide post diagnostic counselling support to people who have received a late life autism diagnosis.  I help people to understand and process their diagnosis and provide psycho education and practical tools that they can use in their daily lives.  I also present workshops designed to teach parenting strategies and skills to parents of neuro divergent children, and communication and relational skills to couples in neuro diverse relationships. 

In my private practice I work mostly with neuro divergent individuals and couples.  When someone gets a late life autism or ADHD diagnosis it brings new information into a relationship which can be very unsettling.  But it can also provide an opportunity to get greater insight into the relationship dynamic.  While there are many very successful neuro divergent relationships, some couples find that they struggle to understand each other’s behaviours and intentions, particularly when one partner is neuro typical and the other neuro divergent.  So it can be helpful to look at certain characteristics that can typically show up in those relationships with a view to finding greater understanding and creating more harmony in the relationship.  

About me

Thank you for your interest in my profile. At the moment my practice is full. Please have a look at my associate colleagues, who may be able to support you.

I am a qualified counsellor and supervisor experienced in working with neurodivergent adolescents and adults as well as with parents and carers.

I currently work as a University counsellor in Scotland. I also work for an autism charity to help high school pupils explore what their autism diagnosis means to them and with parents, carers and professionals to raise awareness and understanding of autism.

I have also worked as a mentor with the Neuro Diverse Self Advocacy project where I supported neurodivergent people to access and stay in work and education.

I am also autistic myself and while I acknowledge that my experience is, only my experience it does give me an insight into the challenges of navigating a neurotypical landscape.

About me

I’m Kirstie, and I work with individuals, couples, and families in both private practice and the charity sector. I feel passionate about my work with neurodivergent clients and I notice that my drive is two-fold: as a mum to two neurodivergent children, I gain first-hand insight into the daily challenges they face in navigating a neurotypical world. While their experiences are unique to them, this perspective deepens my empathy and understanding. Additionally, through my counselling work, I encounter many neurodivergent clients who have been repeatedly let down by countless services and institutions that should support them, not work against them. This drives my commitment to offer meaningful and effective support tailored to their needs.

I am particularly passionate about nurturing relationships, whether it’s the intimate dynamics between couples or within families. I believe these relationships are crucial for our well-being and overall growth. In neurodiverse relationships, be it within families or couples, unique challenges and strengths come into play. As a therapist, I can help you navigate these complexities, improve communication, and foster deeper understanding and connection, ensuring that every member feels valued, heard, and supported.

About me

I have a specialist interest and post-qualification training, in neurodiversity and the psychological
and physical effects of trauma. I am motivated to support clients who are curious about possible
neurodivergent traits or who have been diagnosed Autistic or ADHD.

My previous psychotherapeutic work has been within charity and university settings and before
training as a psychotherapist I spent 10+ years in the corporate sector. I therefore understand work-
place stress and the effects of burnout.

About me

My name is Tasha, I am an Accredited Counsellor MBACP & Clinical Supervisor. I am a mum to a son & daughter who are ADHD, it is this reason and seeing the effects in schools on CYP being misunderstood with Neurodiversity that drives my passion to work with this community but also to try and affect change to make schools safer for ND CYP and to advocate for all ND people.

I offer a safe space for Supervisees to explore their clinical practice without fear of judgement, I encourage supervisees to not only explore any difficulties but be able to bring and celebrate their successes.

I feel I offer a nice balance of psychoeducation value but also using the core conditions to help supervisees empower themselves to see their work through new lenses to enhance their clinical practice. I work in a somatic way but also from a Neurodiverse affirming way.

I work in private practice but before that spent 13 years working for Northpoint Wellbeing, 8 of those years in a cluster of schools as a therapist working with CYP & families.

I work with CYP and adults with most difficulties and I supervise Student Therapists, qualified therapists, Mental Health Practitioner, CAMHS staff, Service Managers, and staff from other Helping Professions

I specialise in therapeutically supporting, advocating and offering training in Neurodiversity.

About me

I help young people, adults, families and couples towards secure relationships, to learn to live more comfortably with themselves and others and to develop emotional regulation and resilience. Through my work in trauma and relational and attachment trauma I have become neuro and trauma informed and better able to understand the sensory profiles and personal challenges of those with ADHD and ASD, giftedness, twice and multiple exceptionality & sensory issues. Neuro diversity can so often be co-occurring with trauma and relational trauma, understanding why can be particularly helpful for you and those around you.

I have a particular passion and preference for working with neurodivergent and sensitive clients because of my own personal, lived experience.  Why some of us are more susceptible to becoming overwhelmed underpins the continual development of my work, but the science ( the neurobiology ) is always woven with acceptance, warmth and compassion.

About me

Thank you for your interest in my profile. At the moment my practice is full. Please have a look at my associate colleagues, who may be able to support you.

I have worked in the therapeutic field for over 10 years as a Schools Therapist, Mental Health Practitioner and as a Counsellor in private practice.  Prior to my therapeutic career, I worked in recruitment for the creative industries and as a Targeted Youth Worker – specifically working with a 16+ age range helping them overcome barriers to achievement.  My career has always involved building rapport and trust, and exploring areas of strength as well as difficulty in order to help individuals navigate the complexities of their world, nurture independence and develop self-awareness. 

I hold BACP accreditation with senior accreditation for working with children and young people.

About me

I am a qualified and experienced counsellor / psychotherapist working online, both short and long-term, with individuals and couples.

I have over 15 years of experience working in different organisations, schools, NHS inpatient and outpatient services and private practice. I started my career working with adolescents diagnosed with Autism. I have personal lived experience of Autism. I use a combination of therapies including Solution Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Transactional Analysis Counselling and Psychotherapy.

About me

I was diagnosed with dyslexia in my late 30s’, which, through twists and turns, provided me with valuable insight into my learning styles and relational patterns and how I can best contribute to empowering people in their professional and private lives.

Growing up in a multicultural and neurodiverse family has sparked a deep interest in examining transgenerational and cultural themes through the lens of therapy. I was trained in relational Transactional Analysis (TA), a therapeutic modality that explores an individual’s personality and how our experiences, particularly those in childhood, have shaped our lives.

My professional endeavours extend to counselling students from a research university. I have expertise in supporting executives and others who have quite an isolated life at work or home, and I have extensive experience providing support to men.

Before my career in therapy, I taught in special needs schools across London, where I honed my skills in supporting diverse individuals.

About me

I’m a late diagnosed ADHDer who found out that her brain was wired a little differently than the majority. Which makes total sense now that I understand what that wiring means for me.

Having had the diagnosis and feeling the initially relief, I soon realised I didn’t really know what this meant for me.  Being someone who is naturally curious to find out why, I began my personal ADHD journey.

A turning point for me was when I found myself an ADHD coach. What I already knew was helpful but it wasn’t personal to me. Understanding my unique brain wiring, and how it impacts me as well as uncovering my strengths, has been the key to allow me to thrive. 

Just a bit of Background to this

I was sitting at my desk the other day, trying to come up with a million more interesting things I could do instead of the boring task I was supposed to be doing, that’s ADHD dual diagnosis for you!

Anyway, out of nowhere came the idea of writing a poem about Autistic Masking.  Don’t ask me where it came from because I have no idea, other than the fact I feel masking is a significant part of my being, it’s who I am… or not!?

I firmly believe masking is the reason, I have a job and I am reasonably successful at it. It is also a significant reason why I have been married for 30 years (to a wonderful, sympathetic and understanding wife). 

However, it has and still is a significant contributor to many of my mental health issues.

So let me set the scene here, I do not do literature or poetry, I don’t understand the language, I do not understand why people pour over text looking for hidden meaning.  To me, if it says Fred did ‘A’ because of ‘B’, then that’s what it means.  It doesn’t mean Fred did ‘X’, or the real reason was ‘Z’ and certainly doesn’t mean it wasn’t Fred after all, but Jim.  You get my drift.

I have never written a poem before unless forced to do so in school, and certainly not in the intervening 44 years.  My previous attempts were, let’s say, poor, and that’s being generous.

Nevertheless, I proceeded to get some thoughts down and the ‘I don’t mean to’ theme quickly emerged. I won’t say any more at this stage because I don’t want to spoil the reveal. On reading some of the partial drafts to my wife, I realised the poem worked better if it was read aloud, rather than from the page. Maybe because it was pants?

Despite my reservations about the quality of the prose, I wanted to share the poem with a few select friends, allowing them to understand my struggles with masking and its consequences. I decided that a video would be the best way to share, displaying the words as I said them. The autistic geek in me also enjoyed the technical challenge of working out how to do it.

Moving on a few more days, having shared it with a few people, I found they liked the video, and I was persuaded to share with a wider audience, and here it is!  I also unilaterally decided to add some further thoughts on masking rather than just plonking a video on the page with no context.

What follows is by no means extensive, and I seriously had to stop myself going full autistic info dump.  But thank you Ruth and Deborah for allowing me a late shot at fame (or will it be infamy, we will find out).

My Spoken Word ‘Poem’ About My Experience of Masking

Let’s Clear Some Things Up

Please note everything contained here is my opinion/experience and does not mean it is the view of Aspire.

Please also note I am not that hung up on language I have no preference for being referred to as a person with autism or an autistic person, or normal vs neurotypical vs neurodivergent.  I will therefore use the terms interchangeably.  I have bigger problems to worry about,

What is Masking?

Some will already know that Masking (or camouflaging as it is also known) is a common ‘feature’ of Autism. 

For me, this is a conscious/subconscious suppression of autistic traits, and the development and use of techniques and approaches to social interaction, in an effort to appear neurotypical.…………..or ‘acting normal’, if you prefer a snappier but potentially more controversial phrase.

You can argue it is a trauma response aimed at protecting yourself from the ongoing risk of further rejection, discrimination, stigma, etc. from a world that is not geared up to cope well with difference.

Masking and Me

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 42 and I am now 60.  Even after diagnosis, I didn’t know I was masking until probably into my 50s as my self-awareness grew alongside the information available, primarily on the internet.

On reflection, I had probably been masking subconsciously for 50 years or so from a very early age, in an unconscious response to messages I was getting from people around me. 

Until recently, I honestly thought everyone else was doing the same, just that they did it much better than me.

My masking largely comprises a mental spreadsheet that I use to drive behaviour.  I have heard other autistic people call it a list, or a list of rules, or scripts etc.   However, all the descriptions I’ve heard used, all boil down to the same basic thing, a list composed of rules or scenarios and an appropriate response to each one.

In other words, I intellectualise social interaction, virtually nothing is real or spontaneous, because spontaneous means ‘off script’, and ‘off script’ (life has taught me) is when things go wrong. Going wrong means I say or do something that reveals I am an alien in a neurotypical world and it usually ends in embarrassment, shame or a telling-off of some sorts. When I find a response I have made is ‘wrong’, I work out why, and amend my spreadsheet.

I mentally rehearse conversations. My wife often catches me unconsciously mouthing what I am going to say.  Whole conversations are planned, how they might develop, what the to and fro might be and what the potential paths and responses might look like etc.  Heaven forbid that the conversation develops in a direction I am not prepared for, because that means I am off script and we know what can happen when things go off script.

I often joke that ‘if you ask a question I am not expecting, don’t be surprised if you get an answer you’re not expecting’.  There was a perfect example of this when I was helping to deliver one of the courses and Ruth asked me a question just as I was mentally preparing to give my section of the course.  My panicked blunt response to a perfectly reasonable question and one I could answer easily under different conditions took Ruth and the delegates back.  I was able to reflect a few minutes later and give a proper response, but I wish I could have bottled that moment because it was such a perfect demonstration of an ‘off script’ moment and what can happen.

The spreadsheet also explains why I sometimes take a while to respond or I speak in a very measured and considered way, because this mental process of finding the rule/scenario and planning conversations takes time and effort.  This whole process is exhausting, and I often need to decompress at the end of the day when my resources are totally depleted. 

I can cope relatively well with the work environment because it is more predictable and I am unlikely to be asked random questions, but I am still exhausted at the end of the day and need to decompress. Social situations are more challenging, and I often have to take a short time-out to recharge. My friends and immediate family know this and accommodate my time outs. Work events immediately after the working day are the worst, with no end of day decompression to recharge I can struggle. These days, I may sometimes find excuses not to attend.

Advantages of Masking

Avoiding: trauma, stigma, prejudice, shame, discrimination, rejection, physical and mental harm etc.

I personally believe that; to get a job, climb the corporate ladder, be in a relationship and generally survive in the world not geared up for me, it is necessary to mask, and be good at it.  In addition to this, masking provides a platform for better socio-economic outcomes, having friends and outside interests etc. better/easier access to other services such as health, and of course financial independence from a working.

Disadvantages of Masking

Of course, this is absolutely not a zero cost strategy.  There are significant downsides associated with masking. Increased instances of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, suicide, burnout, meltdowns, breakdowns etc.

Some people decide the benefits do not outweigh the disadvantages, who’s to say what the right answer is, where does the balance lie between better socio-economic outcomes and wellbeing?  Please note, I do recognise self-employment as a potential avenue for achieving both beneficial outcomes.

I also believe Masking is the single biggest contributor to late diagnosis (or being lifelong undiagnosed), misdiagnosis and non-diagnosis. The better you are at hiding in plain sight the less likely you are to be ‘spotted’ by the medical profession. A profession already woefully under trained in autism and as a result, related mental health issues such as depression or anxiety are treated as stand alone. If you get beyond that, then a world of GAD, Bipolar, BPD etc misdiagnosises potentially awaits. If you do manage to get a unicorn NHS Autism assessment then ‘makes eye contact’, ‘has friends’, ‘is in a long-term relationship’, are commonly seen as reasons that back up non-diagnosis. Both misdiagnosis and non-diagnosis can have devastating and potentially dangerous consequences (e.g. psychotropic drugs) as well as long lasting implications. BPD and Bipolar will always be on your medical notes, and it’s quite well documented that ‘structural stigma’ can affect access to other medical, yet unrelated, services.

Conclusion

Society is getting better, but we are far away from the point where people like me feel they don’t NEED to mask and where I am accepted for who I am, where my quirks and faux pas are understood and where I am ‘given some slack’, remember, “I don’t mean to”.

I sometimes envy those who say to the world, “here I am, I don’t care what you think, accept me as I am.  I choose not to mask and accept the consequences of not doing it”. But I will probably never join their ranks.

About me

I am a TA Counselling supervisor (PTSTA (C) and choose a creative, systemic approach to my supervision. My frame of reference is firmly based in wellness rather than pathology. I work with individuals and groups.

In individual supervision I use Trudi Newton’s Supervision Triangle (Newton 2012), creating a balance between case management, support and development.

One of the models I use is the seven-eyed supervision model (Hawkins & Shohet, 1985) The model is relational, it focuses on the relationships between client, therapist and supervisor, and systemic because it focuses on the interplay between each relationship and their context within the wider system. The model is called “seven eyed” because it focuses on seven distinct aspects of the therapeutic process.

​In group supervision this model allows everyone to take part in the supervision process either presenting a client or participating by observing from one of the seven eyes.

About me

I am an Executive Neurodiversity Strategy Coaching Practitioner with a decade of extensive experience in Psychology, Mental Health, and Neurodiversity. My professional journey encompasses a broad range of roles, including serving as an Assistant Psychologist, an Employment Support Neurominority Specialist, an Inpatient Mental Health Nursing Auxiliary, and a Therapeutic Group Facilitator for an Addictions Support Day Programme. Currently, I dedicate my expertise to offering individualised neurodiverse strategy coaching.

About me

I support people wanting to thrive in their work and lives by recognising their strengths and tackling obstacles holding them back. I coach professionals at all levels – including freelancers, entrepreneurs, and those in startups, corporations, public sector, and charities. As a credentialed coach with the International Coach Federation, I specialise in working with ADHDers and autistic adults. With 25+ years of experience in innovative startups and impact-driven organisations – and as a parent in a neurodivergent family – I have a deep understanding of how to navigate complex work challenges and uncover pathways that work for you. 

Drawing on my marketing expertise, my coaching supports you in shaping your work identity, so you can live and breathe your core values in your daily work-life, sparking your unique style and building a career that feels authentic and fulfilling. My experience in organisations with social impact goals informs my approach to creating meaningful careers and developing purpose-driven strategies, businesses and leadership.

Growing up in classrooms brimming with diverse cultures and languages taught me to value different perspectives, communication styles and ways of thinking. My inclusive coaching approach nurtures appreciation, respect and acceptance of difference, helping you move forward with clarity, confidence and self-acceptance.

About me

As a combined ADHDer myself, I understand what it can feel like if it seems your condition is controlling your life.

Neurodivergency runs in my family, so I’ve spent a lifetime experiencing this from all angles.

The endless yet unfinished to do lists… the challenges of managing emotions… the doom piles of disorganisation… and let’s not forget the chronic feeling of being misunderstood by ourselves and others… I get it.

Once upon a time, I felt so ashamed of the fact I could never seem to hit my childhood potential and forever frustrated that I could never understand why.

Realising I had ADHD completely re-contextualised my life. At last, an answer for why I never felt ‘quite enough’ or ‘too much’, why I had all the potential and none of the skills as an adult to reach it.

Following this clarity, I became frustrated with the lack of provisions available to people with neurodivergent brains to help them successfully manage their challenges in a sustainable manner.

So, I did something about it. I became a fully certified ADHD Life Coach. Now I get to do something that fills me with love and joy every single day, holding brave spaces for others to embark on their own journey to self-awareness, fulfilment and empowerment.

I combine nearly 3 decades of lived experience with ADHD, anxiety, depression & addiction together with nearly 5 years of supporting clients through a private diagnostic process in my previous role as Practice Manager in a psychiatry practice before transitioning into a fully independent Certified ADHD Life Coach role.

I host and co-host two different support groups for neurodiverse communities.

I work with any client looking for a compassionate practitioner who understands the challenges that can arise from having a neurodiverse brain in a neurotypical world.

Coaching offers you a brave, structured, space without bias or judgement to validate your experiences, reframe perspectives and help you to build the confidence to advocate for yourself.

My approach to coaching puts you at the centre of everything; your unique challenges require unique solutions! You will have a platform to learn about yourself, explore strategies that work for you and reframe confusion & chaos into clarity & confidence.

Why too many Autistic female adults are getting wrongly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Over the past twelve months , I have been writing another book, along with several very helpful contributors who have been kind enough to share their stories with me. The original title of the book contained the words ‘complex presentations’.  This has now been changed.  It became very clear when writing that it wasn’t the autistic people who were ‘complex’, it was the fact that the system does not understand or accommodate Autistic people, particularly females (and non-binary and trans people), in fact, anyone who does not fit the stereotypical view of Autism.

The book is about misdiagnosis and misunderstanding, and covers a range of areas from assessment and diagnosis through to inpatient care, and how Autistic people are dealt with in the criminal justice system. The book is scheduled to be published this summer.

This is often the decision of one person, and somehow seems to override anything that has gone before …

One area that has come up time and time again is the issue of people being diagnosed with Borderline (or Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorder, sometimes in addition to an Autism diagnosis, but more often than not, instead of.  This is often the decision of one person, and somehow seems to override anything that has gone before, even when people have gone through a NICE compliant Autism assessment process and received a diagnosis.  So why does this matter? First, and most importantly, because it is an incredibly stigmatising diagnosis.  I had not realised before I started writing the book, just how much having a BPD diagnosis can impact upon future medical treatment (people are seen as ‘attention seekers’ or ‘hysterical’) and judgements about someone’s parenting (mothers are deemed too emotionally unstable to cope with their children).  The degree of stigma associated with this diagnosis is not just anecdotal, it is confirmed in research that acknowledges that people with BPD are treated differently by people who come in contact with them.

Borderline Personality Disorder is fundamentally a description of someone in distress and is described in the diagnostic manuals as a ‘pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity’.

Certain personality disorders (e.g. antisocial personality disorder) are diagnosed more frequently in males.  Others (e.g. borderline, histrionic, and dependent personality disorders) are diagnosed more frequently in females.  

The issue is that only five of the criteria outlined below actually need to be present for this diagnosis to be made.

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships
3. Identity disturbance – persistently unstable self-image
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas (substance abuse, binge eating, spending money, sex)
5. Recurrent suicide attempts or self-harm
6. Affective instability (rapid mood changes)
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness
8. Inappropriate or intense anger
9. Transient paranoid thoughts or dissociative symptoms.

However, by ignoring their Autism, and the reasons why they may be displaying this level of distress, professionals who choose to give this diagnosis, rather than exploring Autism, are doing them a great disservice.  It may also adversely affect the treatment and support they receive.  In addition, the wording of the criteria is, in my opinion, misogynistic and derogatory.  Who has the right to decide whether someone’s anger is ‘inappropriate’?

It is not difficult to see how many Autistic people would, in theory, meet these criteria though.  They face (or have faced if they are older) a lifetime of misunderstanding and trying to exist in an environment when they might be bullied or discriminated against. Or alternatively where they mask or camouflage their authentic selves to the point that they burn out.

I have worked with some incredibly brave and resilient women

Writing my book has been a privilege.  I have worked with some incredibly brave and resilient women, who have all had some dreadful, and entirely avoidable, experiences.  It raises the question of how many undiagnosed and misdiagnosed people (young and old) are still out there, and how important it is to get an appropriate assessment and a better understanding, both for the person and those around them.  It is to be hoped that this would reduce the number of people suffering and being stigmatised and judged because of a label that essentially means they are distressed, not that they have a ‘disordered’ personality.

This is an article I wrote for “Parenting Mental Health” a charity and support group for parents of children with mental health issues.

It’s easy to lose oneself in the daily struggles of being a parent to a child with mental health issues. This can have a detrimental effect on our own mental health, but also our ability in helping our children navigate their way through life.

The thing that binds us all together is the love and dedication to helping them and our own powerlessness to change a world that doesn’t appreciate or understand neurodiversity and our wonderful children.

You can find Parenting Mental Health here https://www.parentingmentalhealth.org/ They also have a facebook page which can be found here https://www.facebook.com/parentingmentalhealth

Over the years I have often felt exhausted and craved the need for some time on my own, just a break from having to be a ‘Super Parent’ all the time.

I wondered whether other parents felt the same or whether I was just being selfish. However, when I started to work with parents some years later, I realised that we forget we have needs and bypass ourselves to be there for our children. 

This led me to develop a set of ‘Parenting Permissions’ which I’ve shared here in the hopes of helping others who are experiencing the same.

• I am important – I have this as a little mantra because when there are so demands on us, we can become invisible. Make time for you – Take some time during the day to be alone and quiet, ideally to do something that’s for you and soothing (even if it’s 10-15 minutes)
  
• Put down the books on how to parent a neurodivergent child – The books are great, but they can completely absorb us with strategies some of which work, and some don’t. They can often reinforce our feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
  
• Try and do something fun – As parents we forget that we have a ‘child’ part that needs attention and is wanting to do something that is fun. Indulge that part of you.
  
• Meet up with Friends – Friends who you can chat to about a range of things, but not necessarily about being a parent. Friends are our lifeline to the outside world, often as parents of a neurodivergent child, we become isolated and distanced from the world particularly if your child doesn’t like going out.
  
• Have the courage to say NO – Say no to taking on additional responsibilities, ‘that group you think you could support because you have the knowledge and skills’. They will survive without you!
  
• Take a break from the fight – As parents of neurodivergent children, we are always fighting for something, whether that be with Schools, CAMHS or other services. We are often exhausted, angry, and demoralised. We can’t change everything so choose your battles and recognise when your energy levels are low or you’re spinning too many plates. Step back for a while, reenergise and then decide what are the priorities
• Recognise your skills and limitations as a parent – We cannot be good at all aspects of parenting, there are no templates on how to do this. Allow your intuition to guide and acknowledge the things that challenge you. There is no shame in saying when we feel something is too much. At that point we might need to seek advice and guidance from others, the PMH community are always there to offer suggestions. Throw away the feelings of shame and guilt of not being the perfect parent, you are ‘Good enough’.
  
• Praise Yourself – We all need ‘Warm Fuzzies’ so when acknowledgement from those around us, is not forthcoming, recognise the things that you have done that you are pleased about – that meltdown you managed, getting your child to school – it all counts.
  
• Every day is a new day – Start each day with a blank slate, whatever happened yesterday is in the past, don’t dwell on the negatives, but stay focussed in the moment, the hour. the day.

If we don’t look after ourselves then we cannot provide our children with what they need. We make ourselves more susceptible to mental and physical health issues.

I recognise many people reading this will be saying “I don’t have time for me, I’m not important.” Whatever bit of time we can grab is better than nothing. I am great lover of musicals, but I realised a long time ago despite trying and ending up exhausted I am not nor do I want to be Mary Poppins, “Practically Perfect in Every Way.”

Biography

Felicity Sedgewick is Lecturer in Psychology of Education at the University of Bristol, with a research specialism in the relationships of autistic women, girls, and non-binary people. She has worked with autistic people in a variety of settings, with these experiences driving her research interests and helping shape her desire to do work with a positive real-world impact.

Sarah Douglas is an autism study advisor who has contributed to much-needed areas of research such as education, self-harm, suicidality, anxiety, intimate partner violence and sexual assault. She is also currently working for SARSAS, supporting survivors of all genders, and is a member of their Autism and ID Advisory Group.

“Understanding Autistic Relationship Across the Lifespan” – is an accessible overview of autistic relationships from the early years through to old age. This much-needed book combines the latest research findings with first-hand accounts to offer insight into the relationships of autistic people and how they differ to those of non-autistic people in a range of ways.

Felicity Sedgewick and Sarah Douglas delve into life’s stages and their challenges, revealing how navigating relationships can lead to misunderstandings, rejection, and trauma – but also to genuine connection, support, and joy. Illustrated throughout with extracts from interviews, and with extended narratives from Sarah, it explores key topics including relationships in the early years, childhood friendships, teenage friendships and romance, adult romantic and sexual relationships, LGBTQ+ relationships, finding community, family relationships, and issues in the later stages of life. The authors explore a wide range of emotions and life situations, examining the social world of autistic people and the strategies they use to navigate it.

Understanding Autistic Relationship Across the Lifespan offers practical recommendations for both autistic and non-autistic people on how to have the healthiest and most satisfying relationships possible. It is essential reading for all those working with autistic people and studying autism, as well as autistic individuals and those close to them.

Guest Blog Introduction by Ruth Williams

Jeff Gawthorpe has been a regular panellist on our ADHD and autism courses over the past four years.  He has inspired and helped numerous individuals, from people trying to understand why they find certain aspects of their lives to be so challenging, through to healthcare professionals seeking to learn more about ADHD and autism, enabling them to provide informed support and treatment to their clients. 

Five years ago, Jeff wrote an incredibly moving account of his life prior to receiving an ADHD diagnosis.  His story documents a multitude of struggles from childhood through to his mid-forties, which Jeff recognises were attributable to his undiagnosed and untreated ADHD.  Jeff’s story eloquently highlights the importance of eventually receiving the correct diagnosis, which was transformational, enabling him to access targeted ADHD treatment, resulting in significant improvements to his mental wellbeing, confidence, and overall quality of life.

Watch out for Part 2, which covers the next part of Jeff’s journey through his autism diagnosis.

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I’ve always identified with the character in the Janis Ian song from the 1970s: ‘At Seventeen’ – the girl lacking social graces, staying at home, while the popular kids partied and lived their lives to the full. If I’m honest with myself, I have felt like that character for as long as I can remember; that happiness is for other people, not for me. As a child I learned that I shouldn’t expect happiness and I don’t deserve it. This wasn’t because of my upbringing, far from it. My parents have always been loving and supportive and I was lucky to have a stable family with great grandparents.

These ideas were learned away from home and family, as I struggled through the social landscape of childhood. It happened day by day, bit by bit, during primary and middle school. Admittedly I was always daydreaming but rather than being naughty I would be lost in my own world.

As a five-year-old I was quite the young philosopher and wasn’t afraid to pose questions arising from my daydreams. Unfortunately, Mrs Clarke didn’t think “How do dogs get married?” was quite so profound, the class didn’t either. However, like the class at the time I can see the funny side now!

Gradually I developed a sense of inferiority, that I was somehow less deserving than other kids. I didn’t know why at the time, not really. I had a vague awareness that others were more ‘with it’ than me, they didn’t daydream so much or didn’t fidget as much, and they found making friends much easier. But at that tender age honest insight and self-reflection were beyond my means.

What I didn’t realise at the time was that I was naïve and easily hoodwinked, and therefore, a regular target of jokes and ridicule. I was socially awkward and the ability of others to say the right thing at the right time remained a mystery to me; I had no idea how to be popular like the other kids. Calling the teacher ‘mum’ by mistake was also a regular occurrence. Most importantly, I was extremely emotionally sensitive, and I still am to be honest. I took rejection and any perceived slight very badly, believing it was all my fault for being stupid, I’d internalise the shame, further reducing my self-esteem.

In middle school, on account of my daydreaming and apparent dopiness, my form teacher christened me ‘Gormless Gawthorpe’. Later, on account of my childhood chubbiness he added ‘Pillsbury Dough Boy’ too. Cue bullying and further descent down the social hierarchy.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom, and in many ways, I had a great childhood: a stable home life, holidays, I played lots of sport, had friends (just not loads of them) and my family were always wonderful. In summer I often went fishing with my dad and granddad which I absolutely loved, but I was hopeless! Unsurprisingly, I had zero patience and after 2 minutes fishing I’d get up for a wonder or start making a bow and arrow. I’d never catch as many fish as them, but at least I know why now! Brilliant as those times were, they didn’t compensate for the drip feed of internalised negativity and self-blame slowly chipping away at my confidence.

I’ve since learned my difficulties were all classic signs of ADHD. If only I had known then, what might I have achieved?

Eventually I started compensating for the daydreaming and concentration, and by the start of my GCSEs it became apparent to me and my teachers that I was actually very bright. I was known for stumping teachers with questions they’d never been asked before. On learning about photosynthesis in biology I remember asking why chlorophyll was green – wouldn’t black pigment absorb more energy? They weren’t able to answer that at the time, and due my inquisitiveness and apparent intelligence teachers predicted stellar results for my GCSEs. My study skills were appalling though, I couldn’t revise and turned up to exams with no preparation. In the end my grades were pretty good but didn’t match my potential. My ‘A’ levels followed a very similar pattern.

I did better at university, as I loved the subject (biochemistry), and didn’t have to spread my attention so wide. Although I could have done better academically, I got a decent education for which I’m very grateful. There were however a few hiccups at university.

The whole world changed in one day when I was twenty years old. While in a class at university I felt unwell and decided to go home. Leaving the building it hit me: a wave of fear, I felt exposed, afraid, overwhelmed with dread. I was dizzy and faint, and I truly thought I was dying, I was terrified. Luckily A&E, was just around the corner, I stumbled there like a character in a Hitchcock movie and must have looked petrified when I arrived. Tests were performed and it was quickly decided I’d had a panic attack and was discharged.

I tried to explain to the medics that I couldn’t leave, I wasn’t me anymore, I was changed, I mean completely changed. Everything felt unreal and cartoon-like, but the cartoon was taking place in a dark, alien and foreboding world, and I was the main character. I even felt unreal myself; my sense of self had simply disintegrated and it had done so within the space of the last hour. I soon decided that I was experiencing my life from the perspective of another person in another reality. There was no sign of the familiar ‘me’ I had known for the previous twenty years. There was also no sign of the world in which I had previously lived, everything had turned black and terrifying.

So peculiar did I feel, that I believed my experience was unique in human history – no one could ever have felt like this. In my mind it followed that no one would ever understand or be able to help, it was a very lonely and confusing place to be. Later I learned that these feelings were not unique to me, they had names – derealisation and depersonalisation, and they’re not uncommon in severe depression and anxiety, or after trauma. However, I found the experience so overwhelming and so uniquely unpleasant, that I still lack the vocabulary to properly articulate it.

That day in the hospital lasted much longer that it should have. I roamed the corridors for hours, trying to return to reality, because I needed this nightmare to end before I left. I could not leave alone as I thought the world would swallow me, and I couldn’t call my parents, because what could I say and what would they do? Such was my state of my mind, that I thought they’d immediately know I was an impostor. What would I do then? I was eventually spotted roaming around by doctors or nurses, who either phoned, or helped me phone, my parents (I can’t remember which). After that, I can’t remember much of what happened for several months. However, I do know that my internal experience of being in a nightmare stuck with me for months, as did my constant sense of horror and bewilderment.

For at least 6 months I couldn’t function at all. I was severely anxious and depressed but because I felt so bad, and so different, I was convinced I was physically ill. The GP must have dreaded me returning every few days suggesting a different malady to explain my distress. I was desperate to establish a physical cause for my problems as then I might be able to fix myself. If it was a problem with my mind, I honestly felt I would NEVER get better.

For the first few months I was so fragile I lived at my parents and slept in their room on a camp bed. I saw a psychiatrist at St James’s every week during that period, it was pointless. He lacked any empathy, showed no appreciation of my distress, or how changed I felt as a person. He prescribed lofepramine, the first of many unnecessary psychiatric drugs, which I didn’t take for the first 6 weeks as I was scared it would make me worse. Over the next two years I tried amitriptyline, imipramine and clomipramine; all were ineffective. It was a very dark time, I felt grief for the loss of the old ‘me’ and despair at the future. Worst of all, I felt with absolute certainty that I would never recover.

I have no idea how I got through that period, but gradually I got better. I hesitate to call it a recovery as it was so slow and imperceptible a regression to the mean would be a more accurate description. After a year I returned to university, though it was probably two years until I felt even near normal again. However, I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from that episode.

When I look back at how ill I was, it’s scandalous that I received so little help. I was dangerously unwell for a long time, but after the first couple of months I was left by the NHS to pretty much fend for myself. My mind was a total mess for the first year, and I had very little support, it’s really just pure luck that I didn’t end up dead, just another statistic.

That was over twenty years ago. Since then, I have had three major relapses, but none as bad as the first. More than once, I encountered very difficult times and unable to cope ended up in A & E in a bad state. I’ve been to GPs dozens of times both exhibiting and describing the core symptoms of ADHD: racing mind, inability to relax, fidgeting, feeling overwhelmed, terrible sleep quality, anxiety, and treatment resistant depression. Not only were my symptoms never properly investigated and assessed but I was inappropriately treated with anti-depressants and anxiolytics or hypnotics. Over a period of around twenty years, I was prescribed: amitriptyline, imipramine, clomipramine, fluvoxetine, paroxetine, fluoxetine, citalopram, duloxetine, sertraline, diazepam, zopiclone, lorazepam, temazepam, buspirone. Some of these I took for many years, none of them did me any good, although I can’t deny the sleeping tablets were temporarily effective.

Not once did any doctor suggest we look into why my treatments didn’t work, why I kept relapsing, or whether my diagnosis of depression and anxiety was even valid. I asked these questions myself but was always told the same things – ‘not everyone responds to the first anti-depressant’, ‘it can take time to get better’. A couple of years ago, after being depressed for three years following my divorce, I asked a doctor at my GPs surgery to refer me to a psychiatrist. Unbelievably, she wouldn’t do it, insisting instead I try yet ANOTHER antidepressant. No thanks. I left exasperated and resolved to return and see a more understanding doctor. I never did go back; I was totally disillusioned with the medical profession and gave up hoping my mind could ever be fixed.

If only if only my ADHD had been spotted during any of these visits going back twenty years. Just once.

One constant that has kept me sane is work. After flitting between jobs for a few years after university, I spotted a course for computer programming. I took to it quickly and enjoyed every minute, I’ve always loved maths, puzzles, and electronics, and with a few extra bits (and a lot of boring meetings!) that’s what programming and system engineering is, pretty much. I was extremely fortunate to find something I enjoy and that I have the ability to do, not least because some key ADHD traits like hyper-focus and a restless mind actually appear to help. I’ve been working in IT ever since. I’m currently a senior engineer at a large software company, designing and building critical systems that are used by thousands of people daily. However, it wasn’t and isn’t all plain sailing. Until I was treated for ADHD, I found many things at work (e.g., paperwork, writing documentation, meetings) very difficult and was constantly overwhelmed, anxious, stressed and had very poor sleep. These problems haven’t disappeared completely but are now much improved.

When I was finally diagnosed it came from a chance conversation at work, remarking on how forgetful I can be and how stressed I always looked, my colleague suggested I investigate ADHD. I had never heard of ADHD in adults, but intrigued I went straight to the NHS website, and within a minute of starting reading everything fell into place. It was an enormous revelation for me as I had every single symptom in abundance. I decided to go private for diagnosis as the waiting list for NHS assessments was around nine months long and I was desperate to change. Within two weeks I was diagnosed, and for the first time in my adult life I had genuine hope that I might conquer my demons.

I can’t stress how important diagnosis has been for me; I honestly thought I was destined for another forty years of quiet desperation, depression, and anxiety with the odd crisis thrown in for good measure. I had more or less given up on the possibility of getting better, especially after my divorce. I’d regularly wake up and think what a relief it would be not to have to do this anymore, why bother with life, it’s pointless and miserable. Can you imagine living like that? It’s grim, but sadly it is a reality for many, many people with mental health issues. 

Since then, I have been taking medication for ADHD and it has changed my life. My moods have stabilised, depression lifted, anxiety massively reduced, work is much easier and far less stressful, I’m more patient and far less frustrated at life in general, although I’m still thoroughly disorganised and lose keys and bank cards all the time! Crucially now I know I have ADHD, I am so much kinder to myself, so much more forgiving – this is a neurological condition, and there’s no point in blaming myself anymore.

The pain I have endured as both child and adult because of my undiagnosed and untreated ADHD is substantial: a hugely traumatic mental breakdown, twenty years of depression, visits to A & E in a state of crisis, distress, anxiety, frustration, worry. Broken relationships, divorce, missed opportunities and chronic low self-esteem. This alone is a tragedy, but across the population of the UK the hardship, suffering and unfulfilled potential of sufferers must be enormous. It pains me to think of the many thousands of people right now in the UK, who are not aware they have ADHD. Many will be suffering, and just like I used to, they’ll be asking themselves “What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I struggle so much? Why can’t I just cope with life like other people?”

Given the prevalence of ADHD and the ease with which it can usually be treated, our failure as a society to take it seriously is outrageous. It should be considered a national scandal and a health emergency. What damage has government’s lack of concern and investment lead to? How many futures have been spoiled, childhoods ruined, and opportunities missed? How many people are under educated, haven’t reached their potential or are unemployed? How many sufferers abuse alcohol or drugs, having no other way to calm their racing minds? How many are depressed, anxious, or in crisis after reaching breaking point? How many suicides could have been avoided? How many divorces could have been prevented, and broken families kept together? And what about those people that slip under the authorities’ radar – the underachievers, those disillusioned with life feeling chronically unhappy, frustrated, shy, lonely, and broke?

The truth is that life with ADHD can be hard, really hard. As a child it damaged my self-esteem, formed much of my self-image, and destroyed my confidence before it had chance to develop. Learned at such a young age these feelings are very difficult to change as one grows older, they have been for me at least. ADHD wasn’t much recognised 35 years ago when I was a kid, but still, I can’t help thinking if only.

As an adult I have found ADHD even more difficult to live with. Until diagnosis I struggled with so many of the responsibilities of normal adult life, and I still do but to a much lesser extent in most instances. I’m referring to things like finances, maintaining a household, keeping track of bills, planning (of anything), relationships and rebuilding confidence after they fail, remembering birthdays, keeping things tidy, losing bank cards and documents. Keys in particular are a massive problem for me, I lose them multiple times a day, sometimes for good, and that can be costly as car keys are not cheap. On one occasion they turned up in the fridge at work after disappearing for a week, on another I once lost them on the first day of a new job, making me an hour late. I’ve even lost my brother in laws keys, after taking his keys home with me I didn’t realise for a month. Doh!

Missing or messing up these mundane, routine tasks seems benign enough at first glance – but cumulatively, when they happen all the time, day after day the effects really add up. I have no intuition for the passage of time for any period longer than a day or two; anything more than that and it all feels the same to me. Worst of all, because I forget conversations or don’t listen properly it can appear that I don’t care. Before we got divorced my wife thought this of me, and nothing could have been further from the truth. It hurts to think those that you really care about can receive exactly the opposite impression. It’s very difficult to hear, and it’s no surprise we are twice as likely to be divorced and have more mental health problems than those without ADHD. What is surprising though, is the prevalence of those mental health problems in the ADHD community. Eighty percent of people diagnosed with ADHD as an adult have at least one comorbid psychiatric condition. Eighty percent!

The human cost of undiagnosed ADHD is incalculable – the broken families, suicides, careers lost, unhappy lives and unmet potentials. This alone should be sufficient for society and our government to start treating ADHD with the priority it deserves. However, we all know government, particularly the current one, is more easily persuaded by economic arguments. Thankfully, the economic case for improving ADHD services is undeniable. The cost to society of undiagnosed ADHD is considerable, but diagnosis and treatment is relatively inexpensive. The right investment could help young people reach their potential, help people into work, and under employed people progress their careers. It would also enable earlier intervention and treatment by health professionals, reducing the harm that is often a consequence of untreated ADHD. In time this would reduce pressure and public spending on other services, particularly health, welfare and criminal justice. Although I’m no economist, increasing income tax receipts while reducing public spending sounds like a good combination to me.

After all that doom and gloom, I want to finish on a positive note, because ADHD is not all bad, not by a long shot. People that I know with ADHD are generally a very cheerful, friendly and optimistic. I am too, well most of the time, I do have periods when I feel down but now, I’m receiving treatment the good times far outweigh the bad. We’re helpful, sometimes too helpful, which can make me very busy at work, but saying no just isn’t in my nature. It has given me a very active mind which means I have an almost compulsive need for information. I’m therefore a voracious reader and I’m interested in practically anything, making me very good in quizzes! Overall, I think the biggest gift I have received from ADHD is my sense of humour, it’s rather inventive and some would say quite twisted, but I’m often told I’m very funny. I went on holiday with a group of friends last year and one family asked if they could rent me to keep them entertained on their next one. I’m constantly trying to make light of any situation, which appears to be quite a common trait. 

A colleague happened across the Rory Bremner ADHD documentary a few months ago. He collared me the next day, and was laughing while he said “I thought you were one of a kind, but I watched that Rory Bremner doc last night and I couldn’t believe it, he’s just like you!”.

An article by Sue Bird, who was diagnosed as autistic at 40 and who, armed with that knowledge, then experienced a real recovery from huge life change and “unmaking”.  They discovered how to live a life based on ‘real not perfect’ and went on to create ‘The Realcovery Lounge’, which is growing into the most incredible space, where people can just be their real selves!  Really!

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I didn’t know I was autistic! Or that I might also have ADHD.

I spent the first 30 years of my life fitting myself to a world that felt traumatising and difficult, and blaming everything that I struggled with on a flaw of myself. I believed in my soul that I was just a bad person, even though people would often tell me I was too nice. I packed a lot of things into those 30 years – I had two boys, one after the other, during the final year of my degree which the Uni split into two halves for me, I got married, I taught in adult education, whilst training to be a secondary school teacher, and whilst living with post-natal depression.

Then I got a job in a very big school in Nottingham. I was running on suppression and adrenaline. Muting my ‘loud’ and ramping up my silent shutdowns.

After a combination of life situations gave me a sudden bereavement and a heap of pressure, I woke up one morning, Xmas 2009….and couldn’t move.

I had a breakdown. In hospital I was diagnosed as having Bipolar.

My family all lived in the Leeds area and so we moved, so we could be supported as I began the process of trying to rebuild me. I entered mental health services and got help from the Community Mental Health team (CMHT). Eventually, after a lot of support and work, I shifted from frozen into mobilised and I began to learn. I tried everything going……peer support, recovery groups, courses about mental health, cognitive behavioural therapy, cognitive analytical therapy, and so many more……. eventually I could volunteer, which I did at Inkwell Arts, part of Leeds Mind, and my volunteering led to employment in the CMHT, back through the doors I had once walked through as a ‘service user’. Eventually, an opportunity came up to work at Leeds Mind as Peer Support Co-ordinator, Volunteer Supervisor, and Group and Development Worker. I stayed there for years and had various other roles…. the people there were my Leeds Mind family.

During that time two things happened…… Despite all my work, and looking recovered on the outside, I still felt empty within. I didn’t feel whole, and I was depressed, exhausted, and struggling so Leeds Mind offered me the wellbeing budget to support me to go to therapy sessions. I chose a therapist who offered a combination of art therapy and embodied relational therapy, which I then went to for 5 years. Five incredibly eye-opening, mind-blowing years. It seems art therapy connected with my ‘language’ – I could really hear this, I could really see things, I could really ‘hold’ them, I could absorb and internalise them, I could really grow. The second thing was that I met Ruth Williams from Aspire Autism Consultancy, Ruth who co-runs this website and blog with her colleague Deborah Wortman! Leeds Mind organised, for us as staff, to attend an autism training event run by Ruth and Deborah, the founders of Aspire Autism Consultancy. I’d never heard autism described in the way they described it, particularly autism in females. They brought it to life for me, I felt it as I sat listening, captivated, with my eyes getting wider and wider……. they were describing me. Blimey.

It threw me into a whirlwind or questions and raw realisations, and eventually I contacted Ruth. After chatting, I decided to go through the diagnosis process and a year later, yes, there it was, my diagnosis. I am autistic. That happened when I was 40.  Ruth truly believed in me and supported me, and I was offered the opportunity to share my difficult experience of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as a testimony, within the training offered by Aspire. That was the first time anyone gave me the chance to utilise my autism as a solution, and for me not to be a ‘me’ problem to be fixed, and it ignited something in me. Still supported by my art therapist I began to build and create………the little spark became ‘Realcovery’, and it became real in images, poems, stories, and songs.

I had two years of living my life in vibrant, beautiful, colourful wonder. Me, the infinite rainbow……. I got to know me; I was autistic…….’that thing happened in that way because I am autistic’.  I could choose, not just live with what I was given, I could choose because I knew what the raw material of me was that I was working with. I could choose. And……. I could say ‘no’ too, now, to judgements, assumptions, and demands. My voice appeared, strongly………. I’d been so silent and desperate to fit in, I’d swallowed so many comments, and squashed so many gut instinct feelings, and thoughts. I stood up to people, I owned me. I got a personal trainer, I looked after my body, I ran, I ate well, I experienced all of it through my powerful sensory qualities, and I loved everything. Even pain I shaped into purpose, because I now knew how to cocoon, soothe, and comfort myself…. which gave me the head space to learn from it. My weighted blanket is awesome.

I had recorded my experiences in images, and I see patterns….and I began to see so many connections. I drew what I now call The Realcovery Model/Framework. Not just recovery, where I function and survive day to day, and don’t need crisis services, but ‘Real-covery’……where I truly live alive. I know how, I know it’s possible…….and due to the hundreds…maybe thousands of stories of lives that were shared with me in my peer support job, I know that there is not just one way, and I also see that there are foundational patterns, for Realcovery, underneath things. Human patterns, scaffolding, and frameworks – like our fight, flight, and freeze stuff…. things that people can work within and shape with their own nuances, to make something that fits them, because it comes from them.

Two years only, that’s what I had. I feel they were a gift.

In 2020, I got Covid – early on before it mutated, and before there were any vaccinations. I soon realised I wasn’t getting better. It’s 2022 now, I am 44, and I am still not better. I have Long Covid.

My Long Covid life meant I had to leave the job I loved, the support network I had shaped, relationships changed drastically leaving gaps where people used to be, my physical health and strength changed beyond recognition……I now use a wheelchair at times, and have days were my words slur, and I can’t turn a tin opener. My art therapy ended due to the life circumstances of my therapist…. everything that I thought had been so permanent and so hard won, disappeared.  I was just left with a small Facebook group, I had started, to connect with friends. Nearly all the familiar, solid ground, now more like trying to stand on water. I felt untethered, adrift, lost, stuck, terrified.  My mood…. I relapsed, and back into mental health services I went. ‘Have you been with us before?’ I was asked. Services are under strain I know many of the beautiful humans trying their absolute best to help this world under pressure, working in such stressful conditions. I know them, they’ve supported me, and I’ve worked alongside them. I feel for them, but I needed help, and what I needed wasn’t there, I felt like a tiny nearly invisible dust mote, not seen.

So, I decided to help myself. I contacted Ruth, in the hope she could see me as a client, and support me to continue to understand my neurodiversity, especially in the context of all of the huge change, and also to see if she could help me process ‘loss’, and incredibly she said ‘yes’. With safety back under my feet, I looked to the Facebook group I had made called ‘The Realcovery Zine’ and began to invite more people to it……….

We were a small Facebook group……

….. that formed in the pandemic. We are the group that helped me keep my hope alive as I went through a second massive life change and ‘unmaking’, as big and devastating as the first – my breakdown caused by undiagnosed autism and ADHD which, through developing patterns of adjustment to cope and fit into the world, became bipolar…….this second life change as devastating as the first, when I realised that Covid was not going away for me, that I had Long Covid.

We are the group that, over time, have supported one another, and have shared our experiences of survival. We want to be heard, so we made a Zine, ‘The Realcovery Zine’, a self-published magazine, and we became a voice gaining strength and asking for cultural change in health services. The Zine, a way for us to share the realness of the lives we are living, a way to share our collective knowledge to support others, and a way to share something amazing…….the discovery that we all use creative action to support our wellbeing. We draw, we write, we sing, we make spreadsheets, we think creatively about how to make a meal from the two potatoes, half a cucumber, and bag of crisps we have in!

We have gained some incredible supporters, people who believe so strongly in our value and message that they are offering us support that would usually be far beyond our financial reach…….people like Kirsty Lucinda Allan

Life then gave us Rory Wells and Touchstone loves the Arts, who we are now partnered with, and the world opened up again………Touchstone is a mental health charity, and community development service in Leeds, and they believe in our creative actions for wellness, peer support dynamics, and asset-based recovery approach……..they work with asset-based community development, beginning with what people are already responsively creating within their environments, instead of identifying the problems and storming in to apply a fix developed by ‘outside’ eyes………and now we really are growing!

We have a co-produced statement, and my pride in sharing this is so very huge. In the midst of destruction and loss, we rise, we create, and we rebuild……from an ‘unmaking’ we are growing something new. We deserve this space, we’ve earnt it. We are diverse and amazing, many of us are autistic, many of us have long covid, many of us have experienced an unmaking and rebuilding of identity. This is who we are…..

‘Creative action for wellness and significant cultural change’

The Realcovery Collective is a community, and peer support network, offering space for a holistic, creative, and individually designed approach to empowered self-shaping and growth. 

It is for anybody that is going through big life changes such as long covid, breakdown, illness, addiction, and identity formation. 

Supporting people to develop the skills, over time, for self-actualisation through the Realcovery Framework, and to pay it forward as powerful voices of proactive cultural change

So………

We are a group who live in the experience of creative actions for wellness, peer support dynamics, who follow an asset-based recovery approach, and who are a strong voice for cultural change within services, for all (yes, staff too) ……..hmmmmm, something less wordy?

We creatively get through the things life throws at us, using what we’ve already got – what is real for us, with support from others as equals, and then we pay it forwards.

Thank you for reading this! All the best, Sue and The Realcovery Team.

During lockdown 2020 Aspire Autism Consultancy were delighted to be asked to participate in the Different Minds podcast series. Different Minds is the brainchild of BBC journalist John Offord. Last year John decided to develop a fascinating podcast series to consider the nature of neurodiversity and discuss the unique experiences of neurodivergent individuals.  Over the past twelve months John has interviewed a wide selection of guests, ranging from members of the public to well-known household names.  Those interviewed include Chris Packham, Francesca Happé, Simon Baron-Cohen, Temple Grandin and Judy Singer, to name but a few.

When John first started his podcast series, he had no idea how successful it would become and how interested people would be in developing their understanding of neurodiversity and the different ways our brains work.

As well as Autism and ADHD, the topics discussed by John and his guests have included Monotropism, Aphasia, Narcissism, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia plus many other fascinating subjects.

Deborah Wortman and Ruth Williams, from Aspire Autism Consultancy, were among John’s first podcast guests in June 2020 when they talked about their work counselling neurodivergent individuals and couples. Since then, they have followed the Different Minds series with great enthusiasm and have enjoyed listening to the diverse range of topics which John has covered. Different Minds is now in its second year of broadcasting and Aspire Autism Consultancy are proud to announce, from 1^st June 2021, they will be sponsoring this innovative podcast series.

Deborah and Ruth are excited about their new venture with John as they are passionate about raising awareness. For many years have they have been delivering quality training to families and professionals; focused on the challenges neurodivergent individuals experience. The training courses delivered by Aspire Autism Consultancy are live, interactive events. They include question-time panels with neurodivergent individuals sharing their lived experiences and offering useful strategies to help people cope with the challenges they encounter.

Different Minds have some stimulating and thought-provoking new podcasts coming up in the forthcoming series, which will further develop the subject matter and enhance a deeper understanding of neurodiversity. This is a fantastic free resource readily available to everyone. You are invited to share these podcasts with friends, family and colleagues who may also be interested in checking out the Different Minds series and choosing episodes from its extensive range of titles.

You can access the podcast series by clicking on the ‘Podcast’ feature on the navigation bar of Aspire Autism Consultancy’s website www.aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk or from the direct link to the series http://www.anchor.fm/differentminds or download the Anchor App for IOS or Android for full details of each episode.

If you were to look for quotes about autism, one of the ones you may find is this one by Chris Bonnello, Autistic Not Weird. “People argue about whether to call me ‘high functioning’, ‘mildly autistic’ / ‘a person with mild autism’, an ‘Asperger’s sufferer’, or ‘someone with Asperger’s and or Autistic spectrum disorder level 1.’ People are strange. Because I actually prefer ‘Chris’.”

But it’s true. People are worried about to define an autistic person, about which name to use. But what purpose does a name (or label) really have?

The word autism stems from the Greek word autos which means self. In essence, I agree with this. I think autistic people are quite often their own person, somebody who knows themselves. The Maori word for autism translates as ‘in their own time and space’. Again, somebody who does things in their own way.

But it isn’t just called autism. The diagnostic manual gives it a complete name of Autism Spectrum Disorder. No wonder Chris prefers Chris. The problem with spectrum is that the dictionary defines it as a range between two extreme points. The British apparently love discussing the weather so if we took temperature as a spectrum, it would range from the coldest recorded temperature in the UK and the hottest. That works. But what are the two extremes of autism?

It doesn’t work. Extremes have to be quantifiable, but you can’t quantify something so individual, so extensive and so unique. People who wrote the diagnostic criteria tried. They used the general population as one extreme (so called mild) and the other extreme as autistic individuals who they couldn’t reach (so called severe). Please note I said who they couldn’t reach, these people are not unreachable, it’s just nobody has entered their world yet.

But autism isn’t like that. To me, Autistic individuals are more like snowflakes. Snowflakes are unique. No too are the same. Each snowflake forms from the centre outwards and as each crystal grows, numerous variations are possible each time it splits. This recognises the uniqueness of autism and stops labelling those who feel they have to mask their autism as mild, and those whose amazing world is yet to be reached, as severe. The problem, especially with mild, is that the challenges of being different and trying to fit in when you can’t face being the odd one out, are taken away from you. It’s only mild autism, you don’t need adaptations!

The last word however is both insulting and amusing in equal measure. Disorder. The prefix dis- implies negative. Disproved, not proved. Dissatisfied, not satisfied. Disorder. Not ordered. In our everyday lives we see signs on broken objects saying out of order. In other words, broken. I am not broken and I dislike the implication that I am anything other than what I should be. Would I like my environment to be easier? Of course. But that doesn’t mean I am broken.

Seriously though, disorder? Many autistics love order – it’s even on the list of symptoms those who called it a disorder created. Many love patterns, love rules, like routines. Isn’t it a little bit hypocritical that non autistics, who are apparently less rigid thinkers, give autistics a name that includes the word disorder?

But that’s part of the problem. At birth, people are given a name. In my religion, this name is part of baptism too. It’s important. While there are people with the same name, names are part of our identity. Whether I agree with the term autism or not, autism is part of who I am. It is part of my identity and I’m proud to have a name that likens me to extraordinary people I like and admire, both personal friends and more famous individuals.

But is it really a name? Or is it a label? Autistic people are different, even young children can recognise somebody who is different or that they themselves are different, but that wasn’t enough. Instead, they had to be defined. Lists of symptoms to check off against. At this point, non-autistics created two distinct groups. Us and them.

Now there is a counter argument here. I hate it when non-autistics say they are a little bit autistic. Now, if this was said because they genuinely felt they shared some commonality or even said it because they wished they did, it would not create such intense feeling within me. But often it is said as a way of dismissing problems autistic people have to face. Being autistic is hard work. Society has been created by non-autistics and suits them, which means as an autistic individual you are constantly trying to navigate around a world that doesn’t work for you. A world where people say things they don’t mean, create lots of simultaneous sensory experiences and create rules designed to be broken.

But why name autism in the first place? If you take the kindest reason, it would be to help. Now don’t get me wrong, being autistic is hard and if people are willing to make adaptations to environments and communication, I am grateful. I can also see, that by giving people a label, it does allow non autistics the opportunity to make these adaptations.

The other issue is, by using one name for people who are unique, stereotypes are created. Stereotypes are assumptions about the whole based on limited knowledge, like assuming every autistic person can’t do sarcasm. If you know an autistic person and want to help them in a confusing world, the best thing you can do is get to know them as an individual. Talk to them and spend time with them. But surely that is what friendship is about? You know your best friend doesn’t like ice cream, not because they are labelled a non-ice cream liker but because you have spent time with them and listened to them.

In medicine, we name conditions to help doctors treat it. We name other conditions in order to cure them. But autism isn’t medicine. It’s not a virus or infection we need to kill. It’s not a broken part. The term means self. Being yourself. Why would you want to treat or cure that?

And that’s the problem. Even now there are organisations looking to cure autism. Cure those people who are not like themselves. Cure those they divided away from. Cure those who aren’t normal.

Yes, the word I hate most of all. Normal. Well, actually, I don’t hate it. But while many people think being abnormal would be awful, I am so grateful I am not normal. A dictionary would define normal as conforming to a standard. Yes, conforming. If I think about people who conform, the armed forces come to mind. People who are all expected to act in certain ways and follow certain rules. Nobody in the army was born a soldier, they were trained. So, are people born normal or are they just conformists?

Before anyone asks me, ‘what is the problem with conforming?’, I will say some conforming to expectations and standards is necessary for a peaceful society. We live by laws and use manners. But we are also individuals, and where that individuality does not cause hurt, squashing it from somebody is wrong. You can call it socialising, a cure or anything else. But it serves no purpose other than wanting everyone to be the same. A man rose to power in 1933 wanting everyone to be the same.

In recent years another term has come to the front neurodivergent. To diverge is to differ and I’m okay with that. Before I’d ever heard the word autism or autistic, I knew I was different. Everyone is different and for whatever reason, I didn’t conform to the expected standard, thank goodness. But on the flip side of neurodivergent is neurotypical.

While normal has connotations of being right and not normal is seen as wrong, typical refers to how common something is. For example, the air we breathe has many gases in it. Nitrogen makes up the majority of the air but it isn’t the nitrogen we need to breathe, it’s the oxygen. However, if you could pull a single gas from the air the probability would be you’d pull nitrogen. And so with people. A truly random selection of people would be higher in proportion of neurotypical people than neurodivergent.

But so far, non-autistics have been the ones naming and labelling us. How do they now feel about our name for them? One non autistic I spoke to, disliked the term neurotypical. They said it created an ‘us and them feel’. I don’t disagree, but this isn’t new. From when non-autistics first labelled autism, it divided us. But to name something is to call it out as different. Now neurodivergent people have their own label.

Neurodivergent isn’t only autism. As well as being autistic, I also have ADHD. However, I’m not going to discuss that name. Apart from using both deficit and disorder in one diagnostic name, it doesn’t even describe the difference in my brain and thinking at all. I wish attention and hyperactivity were the biggest differences, but they are not. That, however, is another discussion.

My name is Alice.

You can call me autistic, but I prefer Alice.

I am autistic – very few people know that about me. I tend to keep it to myself for fear of what people will think. I’ve never necessarily felt different to those around me, however before my diagnosis, a small part of me knew I didn’t function the same way as others. I’ve grown up around people with autism which made it difficult to tell if my ‘quirks’ were learnt behaviours or not. When I was eight my dad was diagnosed with autism, when I was twelve my brother was diagnosed with autism, and when I was fifteen I was diagnosed with autism. I find certain textures very uncomfortable to deal with, I have an eye for detail in everything I do and am often not satisfied with the work I create, and I also love having a routine. These differences, to list a few, have followed me throughout my life, fluctuating through different challenges I’ve faced.

One of my biggest challenges is how my autism impacts my mental health. For as long as I can remember I have suffered from anxiety and depression, and this has recently been diagnosed as ‘chronic’ and will be with me for the rest of my life. I was once told by a psychiatrist that unfortunately ‘that comes with the territory’- apparently autism and depression are a package deal. Although this is sad and naturally difficult to face, I deal with these issues with medication and therapy. However, the other difficulties that stem from my autism can’t be dealt with in a simple way and have taken years of learning and understanding of myself to overcome.

However, before I could even begin the journey of managing my autism, I had to receive my diagnosis. Commonly, women are diagnosed with autism later in life, and this was the same for me. Due to something called ‘masking,’ when an individual changes the way they act as a form of camouflage and a way to fit in, women are able to cover up their real selves and fly under the diagnostic radar. It is often the case that left untreated, this mask slowly slips and only then are women noticed for their autism. This was my experience exactly. By the time I entered year eight of secondary school I was exhausted from hiding my real self. Day after day, my true identity was being revealed. However, my symptoms didn’t match those of my dad and brother and so no one thought that I could also be autistic. It wasn’t until my mum did some research and a psychologist suggested that I could be autistic did I start the process of getting a diagnosis.

School, especially high school, was one of the worst times for me. If I was to list all the things I hated about school it would be the length of this page. In Year eight my anxiety surrounding my studies got so bad that my attendance was down to just 30%, which led my mother to make the hard to decision to take me out of school. I then finished the school year and Year nine enrolled in an internet school. For me this was the best decision, I was able to focus on myself while also going to school and getting an education. Due to my schooling being online I was given the freedom to attend however I wanted, whether that be in my pyjamas, in bed or even at my grandma’s house, when my anxiety was extremely high this was very important for me and my future. I believe that mainstream school doesn’t work for everyone and that the child knows what is best for them. For me, I loved internet school but definitely missed the aspect of being around my friends. When I did go back to school in Year ten and eleven, I would often end up having a major meltdown towards the end of the year due to me having held it together, meaning my mum would end up taking me out of school again for the last month or so of the school year. These meltdowns were usually triggered by teachers not understanding my autism and the best ways to help me.

I rarely tell people I’m autistic as I don’t know how they’re going to react. A select few of my friends know and before telling them I’d work out if they were to be trusted or not. I’ve had some bad experiences of telling people I’m autistic, for example, in year ten I told my friendship group that I was having problems with school. They were understanding for less than a week and after that they started leaving me out completely, causing my self-esteem to fall. These experiences are some examples of many that have demonstrated the taboo that surrounds autism and has made me cautious of who to trust. Despite having built up these walls, I know now that I have people around me who love and support me.

Fortunately, I lived in a very understanding household. Growing up there was three of us diagnosed with autism, even though we all had different routines we manage to seamlessly blend and move around each other with only a few arguments here and there. Separately we all had our challenges, which we would find difficult to understand however it let us all grow as individuals and become more understanding.

I am autistic – very few people knew that about me. It’s taken time for me to accept my diagnosis but I’m ready to tell the world.

If there is anything you’ve read and related to or need a friend who has had similar experiences then don’t hesitate to contact me: @mayalouisaberry on Instagram and mayaberry@hotmail.co.uk

Inspired by reading Laura’s article, I decided to share one of my funnier examples of when I experienced communication misunderstandings during childbirth.

A brief background of me is that I am a 49 yrs old female, married for 12 years, together for 19 yrs, and I have 9 and 4 yr old kids. I am a member of MENSA, an ex-lecturer and a passionate motorbiker. I was diagnosed with ASD in 2020. I am currently a local Vaccination Team Volunteer.

I had a breach, overdue daughter by cesarean in 2011. Having previously had alcohol addiction issues, I had been part of a group called SWANS. I had weekly visits to group ante-natal with other “addicts”. It was a vital and very comprehensive support until my daughter was 1 yr old. It was very different when I had my son in 2016 as I was pretty much left to my own devices because I had one child already.

Now, I am a very smart person. I learn very easily and quickly as long as I have had clear training. But, and this is an important but, I need clear, concise, step-by-step instructions for anything new.

So, with my son, I went into hospital at 38 weeks for induction due to placental complications. I had been experiencing practice contractions for a couple of days. They were milder than the actual contractions I had with my daughter so I was not concerned. I had even been out for lunch with my friends the day before.

Once at the hospital, they announced that I was actually in real labour and was dilating. As they organised a delivery room, my waters broke. Everything progressed very quickly from then on. We got to the pushing stage and I was really struggling and overwhelmed. This is the part I have never done before. I try to remember the correct breathing techniques I had learned. I was also trying to listen carefully to instructions from the midwife. I was distracted by sensory overload. Three times I passed out before we figured out there was a communication issue.  I follow instructions literally and do not make assumptions about what people expect me to do if they have not told me to do it. This is especially true when I am in a heightened emotional state and do not trust my own judgement.

When the midwife instructed me to push, the steps were:

When you feel the contractions, breathe in deeply. Hold your breath. Then push out with the contractions.

At no point had the midwife told me to breathe out. I was holding my breath as I pushed and then passed out from holding my breath during the pushing part. Once we figured this out, the midwife changed her instructions to include “breathe out while you are pushing” and things became easier.

My family and I still laugh about the absurdity of someone in MENSA forgetting to breathe. In my defence, I was following instructions involving my breathing that were incomplete. Now that we know about my autism, we still laugh, but in a slightly different way.

When people provide instructions, they make generalised assumptions about the reader’s/ follower’s prior knowledge/skills. I call these the ‘but everyone knows’ and I will talk more about them another time. In the meantime, to try to get a primary aged child to write some instructions for a simple task. You must then follow the instructions exactly. You end up unconsciously ‘filling in the gaps’ of the instructions as you ‘figure out’ what they were trying to tell you to do. These are the unconscious skills that I do not possess. If a step, or part of a step, is not written down then it does not get done. That includes common sense tasks such as breathing!

In the world of work, coaching is highly valued, in many cases it signals that you have reached a stage in your career when your employer recognises your worth and makes an investment, through coaching, to enable you to become the very best you can be.

Coaching is a process of being listened to, supported, and challenged to step outside your normal way of doing things and to take actions that lead to better results. It’s a chance to develop your thinking and beliefs, discover goals, and experiment with making changes so that you can become the best version of yourself. Coaching can transform lives.

As part of my coach training I put in hours of practice at coaching and being coached.  We had to bring lots of different real-life issues to the coaching room. After I had exhausted my list of work-related issues, I ended up moving on to what I considered to be minor issues around some aspects of my family life with respect to my parenting.

I have four children and through adding up their combined years, I had over 70 years of parenting experience under my belt when I was a trainee coach. As parenting goes, I’m very experienced and I’ve always parented intentionally and thoughtfully, making small changes and adaptations to make things work as well as possible. I certainly wasn’t “failing” and yet the coaching I had around my parenting was transformational. 

It was through coaching that I realised that I had been unconsciously judging my youngest teenage daughter about her intense interest and love of beautiful things. When she’d yet again flash me her phone screen, showing me another item of clothing or a must-have puppy, I could feel myself getting irritated, I felt put upon. I believed she was demanding more from me than I wanted to give and I worried that she was becoming too materialistic, something that did not sit comfortably with my own values. Her extensive birthday and Christmas wish lists always left me feeling a little disturbed and dismayed, whilst I positively brimmed with pride at the frugal requests I had to prise from my sons. My light bulb moment, which came through coaching, was that when she showed me the things she loved it was her attempt to connect and engage with me. I gradually stopped judging and started showing interest and appreciation in the things she showed me and discovered that she didn’t actually want me to buy her all of the stuff, she just wanted that connection. I don’t bristle up now when she’s showing me some gorgeous item or a cute puppy, I look and appreciate what it is about the thing that appeals to her, and as a result, our relationship is better than it’s ever been. I have more compassion for her and am more appreciative of her natural style and ability to make things more beautiful. No wonder she in turn is more relaxed in my presence. We have started talking more, it’s become easier between us.

No matter how successful and competent a parent you are, taking some time for parent coaching to get some new thinking, new perspectives, and new ideas on how you relate to your children has the potential to shift things dramatically for the better in your relationships with them, even if you are already starting from a good place.

I know from my own experience how valuable coaching can be and so I hope if someone has suggested that you think about having some parent coaching you can see it as a gift rather than taking it as a criticism of your parenting. 

I know that parenting is not always plain sailing and that opportunities to take time out, be listened to and challenged in order to gain new perspectives and ideas on how to parent well are few and far between. Especially so in lockdown when we are cut off from our support networks whilst juggling schooling and work.

Having seen the power of coaching in my own parenting I have teamed up with fellow coach Katie Friedman and we are now offering one to one parent coaching and also an online group coaching programme for parents of autistic children through Gold Mind Coaching. 

The author David Mitchell said that parenting an autistic child was like normal parenting on steroids x 20. We think he is right. If you are parenting an autistic child, we would love to work with you through our group coaching programme. Whether you think you have parenting pretty much sorted or you feel like you are only just keeping your head above the water we believe you will get great value from our course. 

On our course you will not be told how to parent or what to do. You will however be led through a series of thought-provoking exercises which enable you to think about how you want your children to experience you and what your children need from you. You will have those light bulb moments that lead to small tweaks that end up transforming family life for the better. We hope you recognise your own value and worth and decide to invest in yourself so that you can become the best parent you can be.

For more information about the parent coaching course click here.

Current work includes:
Gold Mind Coaching for Neurodiverse families. Lynne provides 1-2-1 and group coaching for
parents of autistic children.
Mental Fitness group coaching for young people
Private coaching for autsitic teenagers and adults
Crafting Conversations – group coaching to help people listen and contribute in conversations
Trainee volunteer vaccinator with St Johns Ambulance
Qualifications and Accreditation
Barefoot Trained coach
PGCert Business and Personal Coaching – Chester University
ACC accreditation and member of The International Coaching Federation
Member of the Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists

Contact Details
07910502621
Lynne@communicationcoaching.org
Website: http://communicationcoaching.org/
I am based in Leeds, West Yorshire, and am currently working virtually.

Until my Autism diagnosis, I considered myself to be good at communicating, even describing myself as an “excellent communicator” on job applications. I understood communication to mean almost exclusively spoken and written words, supplemented occasionally by non-verbal clues like body language and facial expression.

I understand now that this is not in fact the case and have learnt that communication is an infinitely complex concept. It turns out that non-verbal communication is not just added extra clues to supplement spoken and written language, it is a fundamental aspect of general human interaction.

Communication is by definition ‘a way to convey information’ and I had no idea that it might be more complicated than I was aware. I had after all, spent time learning about non-verbal communication and thought I had a pretty good understanding. Like I said, I even considered myself to be good at it.

Much to my surprise, it is generally accepted that the majority of human interpersonal communication is non-verbal. For example, using video call has been a real eye-opener -being able to see my own image during conversation made me suddenly very aware that my face says an awful lot without me realising!

I have generally always felt as though I don’t know what anyone means or wants from me, thinking everyone else was just as confused as I was. Navigating interpersonal relationships has always involved expending a great deal of time and energy as I try to decode conversation. Realising now that most people do not consider others a perpetual puzzle which requires constant cognitive decoding, was initially almost unbelievable. This realisation has been a real epiphany in terms of my self-awareness I now have an explanation for the constant, pervasive anxiety I experience around other people.

Probably the hardest thing for me to grasp about non-verbal communication is the concept of how other people are reading me. It might sound obvious to most people, but it only very recently dawned on me that the communication problems I encounter are not just about how I interpret other people, but how others interpret me. My facial expressions, body language, timing and honesty are all being constantly “read” and interpreted alongside my words. I always knew I was a bad liar, but thanks to uncompromising self reflection of video call I now know that’s because my facial expression and subconscious non-verbal communication gives everything away.

The years of frustration, funny looks and misunderstandings are only now slowly beginning to make some sense. Every time I catch myself recalling an uncomfortable exchange from my past, realising just how naive or backward I must have come across, the penny drops again.

Since being diagnosed as Autistic I have become aware that I don’t experience communication in the same way as most people. What I had not really anticipated was the scale in which this difference affects my everyday life. Unravelling the tangled mess of coping strategies and emotional turmoil is tough, and I know that it will never be a quick or easy process. But, discovering these crucial insights along the road to self-discovery, is a good start.

A few weeks ago Aspire Autism Consultancy had the good fortune of receiving an invitation to take part in an innovative new series of podcasts exploring neurodiversity. We were approached by John Offord, a Yorkshire based freelance producer with extensive experience in TV production, event management and radio production.

John is committed to improving the understanding of neurodiversity within our society using a variety of media platforms.  John’s fascinating series aims to cover the breadth of the autism spectrum as well other co-associated neurological conditions including ADHD. 

John informs us that “The Different minds podcast series chats to people from all walks of life about the different ways our brain can work and interpret information. Neurodiversity highlights that people think about things differently. We all have different interests and motivations and are naturally better at some things and poorer at others.  The term used for the majority of people is “neurotypical”, meaning that the brain functions and processes information in the way society expects.”

During his series, John talks to some extremely interesting and well-informed people about what it’s like to live with difference.  These engaging participants provide authentic insights into their daily lives and talk about some of the challenges they face.  I would recommend these podcasts to listeners as they are genuinely uplifting and portray a balanced perspective which highlights personal strengths and qualities as well as some of the difficulties neurodiverse people may experience.

Autism & Counselling podcast episode

Recently, Deborah and Ruth chatted to John on the subject of “Autism and Counselling” and looked at whether we, as a society, know enough about autism and if our general understanding can be improved.  During our discussion with John, we talk about the issues which typically bring autistic people into therapy and outline ways in which therapists can support neurodiverse clients.  We include information about adult diagnostic pathways and the potential benefits for those who decide to pursue a diagnostic assessment.  We explore the nature of relationships with neurodiverse partners and chat about what help is out there for people who may experience relational and communication difficulties.

To hear our episode just tune into the series “Different Minds” and scroll down the list to find our ‘Autism & Counselling’ podcast (recorded 6th June 2020) – you can listen here:  http://www.anchor.fm/differentminds

John is currently working on a new podcast series developed as a means to engage with a young demographic around mental wellbeing. The aim is to facilitate community-wide sharing of positive experiences within arts activities and promote the ways in which arts participation contributes to improved mental wellbeing. The series will feature young people with lived mental health experience and will be aired in October, 2020 as part of Mental Health Month on BBC Radio Merseyside. 

These podcasts will allow for in depth discussions to take place about the issues that affect young people and their mental wellbeing and how the arts can play a part in recovery or reablement.  In the lead up to the launch of this next series of Mental Health Podcasts, we will be reminding our followers to tune in.

Aspire Autism Consultancy believes John’s series, “Different Minds”, will undoubtedly help to improve the general understanding of neurodiversity and mental health within our society and we are also looking forward to listening to his next series in October. 

If you would like to listen to ‘The Different minds podcast series’ which John presents you can listen here:  http://www.anchor.fm/differentminds

To find out more about the type of work John does please see www.johnofford.co.uk for more details.

As Aspire Autism Consultancy launch their website during lockdown, I thought it would be valuable to share the thoughts of a Psychotherapist working with autistic people in these “unprecedented” times. 

On March 23^rd when Boris Johnson announced his lockdown regulations there was much discussion on social media that staying indoors and not having contact with others was a dream come true for autistic people. Well was it and is it?

Clients initially had to adjust to remote working via video or telephone and for some this was challenging.  Speaking on the phone, not seeing the other and knowing when it was your turn to speak can be disconcerting.  

Video conferencing is a highly sensory experience, but on the other hand you are not required to look directly at another.  Once clients had decided which remote platform to use, the emerging issues of lockdown were different and diverse.  For some the relief of not having to go to work, engage with others making pointless conversations and arrive home exhausted, was an enormous relief.  

Clients were able to reflect on how much masking and camouflaging they do daily whilst at work and the consequence of this which causes increased anxiety, exhaustion, and meltdowns.  

Lockdown allowed for quiet contemplation of how they had been surviving in a neurotypical world and an understanding of increased mental health problems.

So, let’s look at the other side of lockdown, we were thrown into our own homes not able to go out; routines, activities, and contact with friends and family were stopped abruptly.  It was this abruptness that caused many clients to be extremely distressed and anxious.  Clients stated that they were given no warning, no opportunity to make changes and as we know autistic people really struggle with change.

Within the first couple of weeks clients presented with increased anxiety, low mood which was exacerbated by the uncertainty and unpredictability of the situation.  There was no consistency with the regulations and no familiar routines and so nothing to anchor to.

The whole concept of unpredictability and intolerance of uncertainty has always intrigued me with autistic people and led me to look at some interesting research, conducted by Sinha and Held (2015).

For some time I have pondered over why every experience is like it’s never happened before, “Every moment is a new moment!”.  This seems to be borne out by “an inability to make predictions” and to consider what has happened prior to the event to cause it and what might happen as a result.

When lockdown happened clients immediately felt overwhelmed because their routines and their need for the same structure was disrupted and so the predictable, controlled environment became chaotic and disorganised.

The research showed that the difficulty with not being able to manage unpredictability results in “the brain becoming constantly overwhelmed with analysing a seemingly chaotic environment” (Sinha and Held 2015). This has also led to an increase in sensory sensitivity and the fight, flight and freeze response due to loss of control within their lives.

As I write this, eleven weeks into lockdown and with lockdown regulations easing, many clients are now faced with new challenges and what the transitioning into the “new normal” brings with it.  “Do I want to return to life as it was or make changes to sustain the peace and tranquillity that has been found during this time?”, or  “Is time to put the mask back on and socially engage?”. 

Whichever it is, lockdown has certainly been both empowering and disabling for my clients, which has endorsed the individuality, diversity and difference of every autistic person.  

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